Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
