I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
