My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize