so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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