I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
