Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
