i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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