Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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