Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
