Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Randomize
