why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
as a side note pls kill me
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
