I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
