this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
