I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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