i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
