If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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