I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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