I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I forgot wine drunk hurts
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
