Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
