It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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