and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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