She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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