look no pants
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
