We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
