Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My pussy is not your playground.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
