just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
