You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
