Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
