OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
