Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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