i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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