Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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