Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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