i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
