Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I think I died a long time ago.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
