please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
