Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
