tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize