He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize