The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
