meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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