my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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