we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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