Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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