It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
