so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
