"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
