I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
