I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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