cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
