I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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