Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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