Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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