You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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