Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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