I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize