the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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