I just made out with a guy for $7.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
