Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
