I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
