it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
