You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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