She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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