then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
