Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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