I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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