Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
