i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
