I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
