Im at strip club and am horny
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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