I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
