I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
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