I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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