I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
