Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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